Cycles

Friendships (with girls especially) have always been a tough thing for me. You can throw me into a room full of new people and I can eloquently converse with anyone, but to find someone that I actually connect with and enjoy is a harder feat. I consequently have very few people in my life that I trust and enjoy. It may be my cynical nature but I don't like most people... ouch. So when I find people that I do like, they are usually a part of my life for a long time (or I hope). I develop an unconditional love for these people and they can treat me poorly or call me once in a blue moon but I maintain the friendship. I think once you see who a person is inside, it is hard to picture them differently, even if they go through rough spots once in a while. But I also know that over time, friendships, like people, change.

I remember at the end of high school thinking that I couldn't have better friends, but was also excited to make new friends in college (without thinking twice that I'd stay in close contact with old friends). College came and went, and in my 4 years my friendships had me feeling like I'd met those friends you were meant to stay friends with for the rest of your life. (I remember my senior English teacher saying you meet your "true" friends in college).

I still have some of my friends from high school and college. Our relationships have changed over time because of circumstances and growth, but in some ways they are better. We maintain the level of friendship, feeding off the intimate friendship we once had, but I don't know enough about them anymore or their daily activities to be annoyed or even affected. Is there a cetain line of intimacy in a friendship that shouldn't be crossed, or am I just past the point of intimate friendships? Maybe I am just doomed to have a 4 year friendship expiration date.

Either way, I'm having a hard time dealing with the shifts in my current friendships. I love these people but I feel like I'm at a crossroads. Maybe friendships are supposed to change, like they would be less fulfilling if they always stayed the same. Sometimes you have a great group of friends and somtimes there's no one you connect with. I have felt that way before, but maybe there is something to enduring a friendship transition with old friends while still making new ones. Am I the only one who's ever felt like this?